German-born filmmaker Uwe Boll is one crazy bastard. When he’s not fighting film critics in the boxing ring, he’s busy cracking on-screen Nazi jokes or making an upcoming film entitled Auschwitz. He’s even gotten into a public pissing match with director Michael Bay, which is kind of like cancer and AIDS fighting over who’s better (I was rooting for Boll, by the way). For the uninitiated, the following Uwe Boll movies should provide you with a fine sample of what the two-fisted legend is all about.

I should warn you that some of these Uwe Boll movies just flat out stink, at least in my opinion. Still, our site is called Odd Films, and that’s something that Dr. Boll (yes, he has a PhD) specializes in. If you’ve ever longed to see Burt Reynolds play a king in a fantasy setting–while Ray Liotta glowers as an evil sorcerer–then you’ve come to the right guy.

• Seed (2007) – A bleak little horror flick that actually delivers, Seed was both written and directed by Uwe Boll. Will Sanderson wears a sack over his head for his portrayal of Max Seed, a crazed killer who’s murdered 666 people over the last six years. Maybe it’s me, but wouldn’t someone in the local police department be getting canned after, say, murder #100? After finally catching the madman (he conveniently sends them some snuff videos to track down), Seed is sentenced to death in the electric chair. But some evil just won’t die, and Seed survives the first two jolts from ‘Ol Sparky. In this world, a prisoner gets to walk if he makes it through three jolts, so Warden Calgrove (Ralf Moeller) has him declared dead and buried alive. Like I said before, some evil just won’t die. What follows is even more graphic brutality, as Seed digs his way to the surface and goes after all those who’ve “wronged” him. There’s plenty of gore for the horror set, and the ending is a nasty little piece of nihilism. One of Boll’s best films to date.
• Stoic (2009) – Supposedly inspired by a true story, Boll gets all sentimental with a heartwarming tale of three prisoners who save up money to buy their young cellmate a Christmas present. Just kidding. Actually, the three individuals (including Edward Furlong from T2) torture and rape their cellmate until he’s driven to suicide. Merry Christmas from Uwe Boll.

• Postal (2007) – Uwe Boll is best known for bringing video games to the big screen, and Postal is a perfect example. A controversial PC game, Boll does his best to capture the bizarre and irreverent nature of the original. He certainly succeeds on that front, with Verne Troyer (Mini-Me) getting raped by a thousand monkeys, full-frontal nudity from comedic actor Dave Foley, and a Nazi-themed amusement park where Boll has a cameo as himself (just before a gun battle breaks out and dozens of children get wasted). And did I mention that Osama bin Laden and George W. Bush are best pals? It’s a cinematic car wreck, but one you’ll be unable to avert your eyes from. (This one even made the list of the 3 least awful Uwe Boll Films at OnlyGoodMovies.com!)
• House of the Dead (2003) – Based on the light gun video game from Sega, this zombie flick revolves around a group of teens who head to an island where a rave is supposed to be going down. But there’s no rave to be found, as zombies have come along and killed nearly everyone. The teens must team up with other survivors to make it off the island, including the bizarre pairing of Jurgen Prochnow and Clint Howard as a sea-loving smuggler and his first mate. The movie was practically raped by critics, but it does include plenty of hot women and a number of moments that should please fans of the original arcade game.
• Blackwoods (2002) – With an 11% freshness rating at Rotten Tomatoes, this is one of the highest-rated Uwe Boll movies. Patrick Muldoon plays a young man vacationing in the Blackwoods with his girlfriend, but things take a turn for the weird when they come across a motel run by Clint Howard. They decide to check in, thus violating a long-held movie rule: never stay at a motel run by Clint Howard (or Ron, for that matter). It only gets worse from there, and the young man is tormented both by a deranged family and his memories of a tragic car wreck years before. There’s a twist ending to be had, and Boll makes frequent use of the flashback. As you might expect, Boll regulars Michael Pare and Will Sanderson put in appearances.
• Rampage (2009) – Uwe Boll shows some growth as a filmmaker in this motion picture about a young man (Brendan Fletcher) who’s had enough. After about thirty minutes of set-up time, the film shows him going on a gun-toting rampage though his hometown, mowing down people like he’s playing Grand Theft Auto (without the prostitutes). A lot of hand-held camerawork is done, so those who puked during Cloverfield might want to beware. Co-starring Michael Pare (naturally), Shaun Sipos, Lynda Boyd, Matt Frewer, and Katharine Isabelle. (See this post about Rampage movie reviews for more information.)



• BloodRayne (2005) – Another video game adaptation from Uwe Boll, and an example of how a big budget and star-studded cast doesn’t guarantee a good film. Rayne (Kristanna Loken) is half human and half vampire, but she’s all about stopping her immortal father (Oscar winner Ben Kingsley) from wiping out the human race. To do so, she’ll team up with the vampire-slaying Brimstone Society, whose membership includes Michael Madsen, Michelle Rodriguez, and Matthew Davis. If Michael Madsen as a vampire hunter wasn’t enough for you, how about Meat Loaf as a vampire aristocrat or Billy Zane as Michelle Rodriguez’s treacherous father? And, as always, the film co-stars Michael Pare and Will Sanderson. Say what you will about Uwe Boll, but the guy is certainly loyal to his talent.
• In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2008) – Oh, Mylanta! Boll gets a reported $60 million budget and a cast that includes Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieski, Ron Perlman, Ray Liotta, John Rhys-Davies, Claire Forlani, Kristanna Loken, Matthew Lillard, and Burt freakin’ Reynolds. All the money must have went to the actors, because most of the effects and fantasy creatures look incredibly cheap. It doesn’t help that it plays out like a thinly-veiled Lord of the Rings knock-off. Still, for those viewers who like watching cinematic train wrecks, it’s worth a number of laughs (especially Matthew Lillard’s over-the-top performance). See it with someone who has a high tolerance for pain.
• Tunnel Rats (2008) – Boll veteran Michael Pare stars in this largely improvised tale of “tunnel rats,” American soldiers who explored and cleared Viet Cong tunnels during the Vietnam War. As the rats head underground, their base camp comes under attack on the surface. But our heroes are too busy to care, as they must face confined spaces, booby traps, and plenty of Viet Cong who pop out of nowhere like some sort of lethal Whack-a-Mole game. After the movie was released, a video game adaptation was made, so hardcore fans of Uwe Boll movies will want to check that out.
• Heart of America (2002) – Inspired by events such as Columbine, Boll examines the events before, during, and after a school shooting at an American high school. The cast includes such veteran actors as Michael Pare, Clint Howard, Jurgen Prochnow, and Maria Conchita Alonso. Another Boll movie that’s not as bad as some would expect.

Now that you’ve completed this list of Uwe Boll movies, I imagine you’ll either frantically head to Netflix or bust out in laughter at how someone could do so little with so much money. Personally, I admire Boll’s never-say-die attitude, his ferocious love of cinema, and his ability to shamelessly self-promote. And his movies have been getting better in recent years, so maybe we’ll see an Oscar nomination in the not-so-distant future. Then again, I don’t know if Hollywood is ready for Boll’s brand of madness.

Also recommended:

1. David Cronenberg Movies
2. Top 10 David Lynch Movies
3. 10 Best Roman Polanski Movies